I have started this post many times. Meant to herald a new year - a new decade even - I wanted to write an article that would usher in a whole new era of beginnings...and yet, I just couldn’t seem to get started.
I thought this post was going to be about newness, expectation, starting over or creativity. As it turns out, it’s actually about the tension that can surround new beginnings - and how it’s possible to want something while not being ready for it.
I wanted to write this article. It is the first step in a plan of action I have meticulously laid out and articulated for myself, including a social media campaign with a website revision and ultimate relaunch. I have contacted mentors, lined up outreach to my network...I have determined next steps and all I have to do is pull the trigger, setting the whole marketing juggernaut in motion. And yet…
...every time I sat down to write I found myself distracted by my restlessness. I held my breath and my mind wandered uncontrollably. I suddenly had an incredible urge to do the dishes, paint my therapy room, alphabetize my bookshelves...anything to save me from the task at hand. It looked a bit like procrastination; it felt different.
For many, New Year’s is all about beginnings and expectations and putting our plans into action. But how often do we ‘force’ ourselves to act? Or more often, by trying to force action subsequently fail, reinforcing all the feelings of shame that - for many of us - surround failure?
How many of us listen to that critical voice inside telling us that we are incapable of action, of ‘getting it done’? We conclude that we are doomed to failure. But what if it is simply that our timing is off?
I keep discovering that despite a lifetime’s habit of rushing and of ‘busy-ness’, I actually need a lot of time and space to get things done. If I stop pushing and give myself room to breathe, I am more efficient, more creative and much, much happier. If I listen to the not-so-subtle clues that my body always provides I stop ‘forcing’ and paradoxically things start to shift. If I’m honest about where I am (as opposed to where I think I should be) this awareness clears the way for real and meaningful change. I wanted to write this article, but I wasn’t ready. Until I was.
One aspect of Gestalt theory I really love is the belief that things are only true now. Awareness of what is extends only to the present. Anything beyond this is unknown. Which also guarantees an inalienable option to change our minds. When I sat back and assessed myself honestly, I realized that - despite my best intentions - I wasn’t ready to write this article. That is, until I was.
Heraclitus said it best: ‘The only constant in life is change’. And despite our best efforts, it seems we seldom drive that change. More often real change exists outside of us responsive to a sense of timing that we cannot control. We can want something and not be ready for it. Maybe our only true choice is to take a breath and wait until - inevitably - we are.
What new beginnings are you waiting for? Please consider commenting below: